Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Fuck Master Chief

Halo 3 is out! Yay! And guess what? I don't give a shit! The only thing, the only thing that makes me excited about the release of Halo 3 is the hope that maybe now all the God damn commercials will stop. I am tired of being instructed by Mountain Dew to go buy their abomination-to-beverages-everywhere God damn Game Fuel. What the fuck is Game Fuel, a mixture of gasoline, diesel, mountain dew and red bull? And why would I be talking to people in different countries on a little headset while I drink it? If I wanted to beat someone in France I would just fucking invade their country, lord knows they wouldn't put up much of a fight (too soon?). So to the 2 or 3 people who actually know me that read this, here's a hint that may save you some bodily harm and heavy medical bills; don't ask me if I bought it, I didn't. Don't ask me if I played it, I haven't. I don't want to and I don't to. Fuck Master Chief.

in this hole, that is me, a life that's growing feeble

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Monday, September 17, 2007

Shiftless When Idle

If the RIAA sues you and you somehow manage to win, call it luck. Don't assume that you had a better lawyer, or that the law was even on your side. Just be grateful that the damn judge was probably hung over and just wasn't interested in the case and thank your lucky stars you didn't get the long stiff dick of the RIAA unpleasantly shoved into one of your orifices. But above all, do not try and sue them, your internet carrier, and the company of the software you used to illegally download the god damn songs in the first place. These idiots think they are actually going to get away with it. Don't get me wrong, I am all for "damn the man, down with the system" and all that cliched lazy political action. But these fucking cum stains knew what the hell they were doing the whole fucking time. They knew they were stealing music. It's not like Kazaa asked them for their mommy's credit card number. As always, the teenagers blame everybody but themselves. Check out an excerpt from the article:

"The revised complaint blames Kazaa for designing its software to automatically share downloaded files, AOL for not blocking file sharing, both parties for not passing on RIAA warnings, and Seckler for installing Kazaa"

Mathew Seckler is being sued for $1 for installing the software. I doubt they will remain friends after this. So, if they are suing Kazaa for doing what it was designed to do, AOL for not being more of a pain in the ass than it already is, and some dude for installing the program that they knew they were using, when who is suing them for actually committing the crime of illegally downloading music? You fucking tools knew what you were doing, man up and face the fucking consequences. I never thought I would say this, but right now I am hoping the RIAA wins.

so wrong nearly every time that I'm sorry I speak my mind, if what I said was unkind

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Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Happiness Ltd.

Remember when Hot Hot Heat used to sound like, oh I don't know, maybe Hot Hot Heat and not The Killers? I do, and I miss those days. With the release of their new record Happiness Ltd. it seems like they stole the b-sides from the first Killers record. Those are some harsh words, I know, but it hits the mark pretty closely. There are a few standout tracks that sound like HHH, but watch the video for their first single off the album "Let Me In", and you tell me who it sounds like. However, on the tracks that they do remember who they are, they bring their A game. "Harmonicas & Tambourines" is the next radio hit single waiting to happen, and "Outta Heart" is a soft unexpected ballad that all the teenagers will be slow dancing to at their next high school dance. All in all it's not a bad record, it is actually quite good, but come on guys; stop listening to The Killers. You're better than this, and a better band than them, don't insult yourselves by trying to sound like them.

I drink the wine of youth, ended up in a coma

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Monday, September 10, 2007

Thrash Unreal

It's never easy for a punk band to get critical acclaim. Such a feat is hard enough to achieve due to the public's general consensus that punk should be overlooked and written off as a phase all angry white teenagers go through. It doesn't help that high record sales and a music video usually kill a punk rock band's credibility within the extremely tight and unforgiving punk community. So what happens when a punk band, notorious for its DIY ethics and anti-corporate agenda gets a four star rating in Rolling Stone? Well, if you're Against Me!, you shrug it off and keep on going. Or you beat up some dude at a coffee shop. It's always 50/50. Anyway, the new Against Me! record New Wave does indeed deserve its four star rating. It's been a while since a really good post-punk rock record has come out and New Wave comes out fighting. From the radio-friendly rocker "Thrash Unreal" to the blatantly political and unapologetic anti-war song "White People For Peace", the goods never let up throughout the entire 36 minutes and 45 seconds of music. This is one disc you won't regret buying.

no mother ever dreams that her daughter's going to grow up to be a junkie

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Saturday, September 08, 2007

Under the Cover of Greatness Redux

It's hard to do a good cover of a classic song. Some people want it to sound exactly like the original, while others what the artist to take their own spin on it, which usually ends up upsetting the other fans of the original. It's a risky move, and as I explained a few days ago, few people get it right. So here is my list of the top 5 cover songs:

1. My Chemical Romance & The Used - "Under Pressure"
Even though this is the song that started the falling out between these two emo heavy weights, they managed to bring the song and Queen to the kids who weren't even alive for Live Aid. The guitar work alone earns this song a spot on the list.

2. The Doors - "Alabama Song (Whiskey Bar)"
Great cover by a great band of an 80 year old song.

3. Jeff Buckley - "Hallelujah"
If aliens landed on planet Earth and asked what the meaning of beauty is I would play them Jeff Buckley's amazing cover of this Leonard Cohen classic. The guitar work is perfect, and Buckley had a voice that few others can match.

4. The Ramones - "I Don't Want To Grow Up"
The Ramones put a punk rock twist on this Tom Waits tune that I think is just as good as the original. I almost never like a cover better than the original, especially if it is a Tom Waits song, but this one comes damn close.

5. Pearl Jam - "American In Me"
Pearl Jam always does really good covers, but I think that their spin on this Avengers tune is by far the best. They keep the speed of the original but add a thick layer of guitar crunch to it that adds a little substance to it. Only available as a live track so far, but here's to hoping they release a studio version. The link above goes to the original version.

you have to fight to stay in control

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Friday, September 07, 2007

Crack Killed the Kitten

So I was going to post a list of my top 5 favorite cover songs, but this shit is just too delicious to pass up. When the press stops referring to you as "rock star" and replaces it with "junkie", it's safe to assume that you have hit rock bottom. Rock star turned junkie Pete Doherty has hit rock bottom... again. It's not bad enough that he feels the need to convince the world that he is the next Keith Richards, but now he has to drag his cat along with him into his drug-fueled oblivion. Apparently Doherty was photographed getting his cat Dinger stoned off of a little cat crack pipe. Expect to see these cute little pipes in your local Petsmart soon. It is reported that his friends were so disgusted that Doherty fed crack to a cat named after a syringe that they took a picture and sold it to the press. I guess they weren't disgusted enough to, oh I don't know, maybe stop him from getting the cat high. Good friends you have there Pete, and by "good" I mean greedy douchebags cashing in on the cruel treatment of an animal by disguising it with a facade of compassion. England needs a death penalty for stupidity.

hooked on a star, enraptured by the sky... in love with a satellite

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Thursday, September 06, 2007

Under the Cover of Greatness

So I am sitting hear listening to Electric Six's cover of Queen's "Radio Ga Ga", and it got me thinking... what are the worst cover's you have ever heard? I know I could name a hundred bad ones for every good one I have ever heard, but which ones are the worst? Which covers are so bad that it makes fingernails on a chalkboard sound pretty damn good? So here is my list of the five worst cover songs, and the bands that raped and perverted them:

1. Rod Stewart - "Downtown Train"
Why Stewart felt the need to rape this classic Tom Waits song with his whiskey soaked male tart voice is beyond me, but this is a good example as to why there should be a law against horrible covers. This one even made's list.

2. Madonna - "American Pie"
Before Madonna turned British she used to make good music (I guess). But she forgot the golden rule; if it is a classic one-hit wonder, don't do a cover of it. No one will ever lover your version more than the original. This rule is void if the song is a one-hit wonder that is not considered a classic.

3. Dolly Parton - "Stairway To Heaven"
Just...why? Why would she do this to us? I don't care what CrazyTunes says, this is just wrong.

4. Limp Bizkit - "Behind Blue Eyes"
No one knows what it's like to be the sad man... that has to listen to this song. Take a horrible song and mix it with a horrible band and you get crap. Two wrongs do not in fact make a right.

5. Korn - "Another Brick In The Wall"
You do not attempt a cover of a Pink Floyd song. You just don't do it. You are not Pink Floyd, don't try to be (unless you are Les Claypool). This one ties with Fred Durts's butchering of "Wish You Were Here", even if it was for a good cause.

So there you have it, my list of the top 5 worst cover songs. Tomorrow, a list of the top 5 best cover songs. Until then, go listen to the originals of these five songs and show them some love.

with your back against the wall, how do you ruin all these promises

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