Thursday, September 18, 2008

Where Is My Mind?

It is currently 7 am and I have slept maybe 12 hours in the past 4 days. I think I am losing my mind. I cannot stop playing Monopoly. The pieces are talking to me. The Racecar is telling me to "drive it like I stole it" while the little white rabbit living in the Top Hat is telling me to kill the Thimble or he will "make me an offer I can't refuse". I don't actually know if their is a rabbit living in the Top Hat; it might just be Frank the bunny from Donnie Darko. I can't qiute tell yet. Also, I think the Racecar is having conjugal visits with the Thimble when he goes to jail and doesn't get to pass Go. Hey, it's possible; the Racecar is shaped like a penis and the Thimble is a hollow tube with an end at some point. Sounds like a vagina to me. I think the Iron flattens and tailors all the other pieces' clothing to support his crack habit that he buys on Baltic Avenue. I mean let's face it; Baltic Avenue may as well have been Brooklyn during the 70's. It's like the projects only with green crack houses and red hourly-rate hotels. And all the Wheelbarrow does is drug-mule or dispose of the dead bodies that "take a trip" to the Boardwalk. And the Community Chest? Corrupt political mustache guy that looks like a sophisticated Ron Jeremy. Chance cards are obviously the IRS, no doubt about it. And Free Parking? Not in this country my friend. I think the Dog piece is actually a cursed piece of treasure minted after that stupid fucking dog in those Pirate movies. Sea turtles my ass, he got turned into lunch and some random drunk pirate melted a bullet in effigy of him, as if he was the patron saint of Monopoly. Fuck Monopoly...God I need sleep.

saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand, walking through the streets of Soho in the rain

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Monday, September 15, 2008

Swingin' Party

Now that I am actually posting my "Monday Weekly Recommendations" on a Monday, after this week I am going to switch it to Sunday since I have Sundays off. And seeing as how the first 2 began with my top 2 movies, it's only fitting that the next three end my top 5 list of movies, and then be prepared for some change-ups, curve-balls, spittin' tobaccy or whatever the hell baseball terms people use as euphemisms. Here we go:

Movie: Jaws
You had to see this one coming. As anyone who has ever taken even so much as an introduction to film class can tell you, this film is the ultimate example of how music enhances film. Watch the opening shark attack scene with the girl in the water, turn it on mute once she starts swimming, and see how fulfilling of an experience it is. This film also stars two actors from my top two movie; Robert Shaw in The Sting and Roy Scheider from The French Connection. Both highly under-rated actors, especially Shaw who was an exceptional writer in his own right as well. Even if you have seen this movie (and you have) watch it one more time for me.

Music: The Replacements - Tim
There are few records that can be called perfect, and we can argue about those some other time, but Tim is perfect. Start to finish, you can't skip a track. Most casual music fans may know of the song "Bastards of Young", which of course is a great song, but the ballads are the real shining moments. "Here Comes a Regular" and my own personal favorite, "Swingin' Party". The Replacements helped build the hardcore scene before they became a platform for Paul Westerberg's solo career, but there's no going wrong with this record. It's almost impossible to not like at least one track off this record.

Carl Sagan - The Demon-Haunted World
Subtitled as "Science as a Candle in the Dark", this is an amazing book written by the man who wrote Cosmos and the Pulitzer Prize winning The Dragons of Eden. He also wrote one fiction book that was turned into a movie, Contact. The Demon-Haunted World is the perfect book for any type of skeptic. Sagan doesn't try and prove that God doesn't exist, he just asks you to ask questions on both sides of the question. He delves into UFO's, aliens, witchcraft, religion, and the decline of scientific study in our public school system. This book is a requirement for any fan of science, philosophy, skepticism, astronomy, wicthcraft, religion, or anything unexplained and buried within the unknown world.

if being afraid is a crime, we hang side by side

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Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Into The Ocean

Ok, it's a day late, get off me. I'm tired. So this Monday's (read: Tuesday) list of books, film, and music you must watch, listen to, and read. Did I get that right? Whatever, I blame the drugs.

Movie: The French Connection
One of the greatest films ever made, it revolves around two cops trying to intercept a shipment of heroin from France. It is perhaps Gene Hackman's best performance to date, and was also the first R-rated movie to win the Academy Award for Best Picture. As with the movie Bullitt, the movie is famous for one of the best car chase scenes ever filmed, so that alone should make it worth watching. Based on the true story of the real "French Connection", this movie ranks at #2 as my all time top 5, and I highly recommend it.

Music: Teenage Fanclub - Grand prix
The only song you may have heard from these Brit's is "Don't Look Back", but don't let that crime against music fool you. Teenage Fanclub is one of those band's that has never released a bad record, and this is definitely their best. One of those records that you can listen to from start to finish without skipping a track; it's just plain good rock. Not too heavy, not too light, but Goldilocks would have found it just right (If she wasn't, you know, eaten by bears).

Book: Oscar Wilde - The Picture of Dorian Gray
Oscar Wilde's only published novel is perhaps one of the literary world's greatest story of how a man can turn from a loving, caring person to a heartless, soulless shadow of the man he once was. Much like Faust, it is about sacrificing one's soul or sanity in order to quench their thirst for ultimate knowledge, or in Dorian Gray's case, beauty. We see Gray turn from a much adored man of wealth and beauty to a careless soul who feels almost nothing at all. The ending of the novel is one of my favorite endings I have ever read, and I know it may be a little hard to get past Wilde's constant use of descriptive writing of every object in every setting of the book, but trust me, it is worth it. Plus, the book has one of my favorite lines ever: "What manner of human endeavor is not morally ambiguous".

I'm reaching for the life within me

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Saturday, September 06, 2008

My Slow Decent Into Alcoholism

I want to be the subject of Michael Bay movie. It would be called Tea 2: This Time It's Herbal. He could do close-up shots of me drinking tea with a serious life-hanging-in-the-balance look on my face while the music from The Rock plays loudly in the background, building up the suspense of my herbal test of will. Then I could say some famous one-liners like "This shit just got decaf" or maybe something a little romantic like "I may not be good with words and I know I just shot the gay guy at Starbucks because he put sweetener in my tea, but girl I mean it when I say this shit is real. I'm yours if you want me. You had me at 'iced or hot'". And then of course there would have to be the chase scene, like in Bullitt only with a 2004 Mustang six-cylinder with expired tags and loud, screeching brakes that can do 0-60 in a week and a half. I could chase through the Arden mall parking lot looking for a parking spot to get to the tea store before the mall closes. And naturally the bad guys are the people from Snapple who want the world to drink their fructose-filled cough syrup they pass off as tea in order to take over the world. I know, it needs a little work and maybe some script dialogue from Quentin Tarantino to make it more hip, but hell, it's gotta be better than Bad Boys.

my slow decent, into alcoholism it went

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