Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Xbox and Pot

Music of Choice:
Lightning Seeds – Change

First off, this week you will have your first official new album review! Yeah I know it’s a little late, but with moving and shit like that, its cramping’ my time. Luckily I move into my new place next weekend and should be set for more frequent updates. To start things off however, I would like to direct your attention to an article in Rolling Stone titled “Darwinian Warfare” by Matt Taibbi.

This is a great article regarding the war between evolution and intelligent design. I can’t exactly tell if the author is taking one side or the other, which is always a good sign of less biased opinions and more facts. In a nutshell, the GOP is attempting to install church in school disguised as intelligent design, a theory that the universe (or at least Earth) is too exacting and too perfect at sustaining life to be evolution. Their loophole? They do not state who the “designer” is. By not coming out and saying its God that designed it, they think they can pass it off as a theory, not a conflict of church and state.

This is bullshit, but the way the war is going, it looks like soon schools will be teaching religious faith along side with scientific fact. I’m grateful I did not have to endure this method of teaching in school. But it’s sad that future generations may very well be graded on their faith in a religion they may or may not believe in at all. And my tax dollars are going to pay for it. Not happy about that, I am.

Secondly, the city of Hillsdale in Michigan just elected and 18 year old high school kid as its mayor. No, I’m not kidding. I just wish I was in the room when the votes were counted, I imagine it went something like this:

Vote Counter: Congratulations sir, you are the new mayor of our beautiful city!

Michael Sessions – Dude, its past 9 o’clock on a school night, what are you trying to do, get me grounded? Man I got prom in a couple months; don’t fuck this up for me.

Counter – I’m sorry sir, we thought you might like to know the results.

Sessions – Hang on a second…what mom? Oh fine, sir my mom wants to know if there will be a chaperone to the dinner banquet for the election?

Counter - …No, I don’t believe there will be.

Sessions – So seriously, do I get a company car? I don’t have a license, am I going to need one? How many hot assistants do I get? Can I have someone killed?

Counter - …Sir, you are now in charge of the city. It’s not a game sir.

Sessions – Speaking of games, does the office have an Xbox in it?

Counter – I’m fucking moving, fuck this town. (click)

Seriously people, who the fuck voted for a high school kid to run their city? Sure, we got a celebrity as a governor, but at least he’s of the legal drinking age! That kid is totally going to use his new position to bang high school cheerleaders, and you can kiss the town’s budget goodbye. All the money will now be directed to the “Xbox and pot” fund. Fucking Mid-Western states.

The world is full of fools who never get it right.”

Monday, November 14, 2005

Bullets Over Broadway

Music of Choice:
Jim Croce – Which Way Are You Going?

So, it appears the country is finally paying attention. Wow, it only took 5 fucking years, over 2,000 dead American soldiers, the largest deficit in the history of this country, no health insurance, 11 actions against a woman’s right to choose, the GOP’s attempt to prevent black Florida voters form actually voting, a national threat to our freedom of speech, God in our schools and government, every damn country hating us, John Ashcroft, Enron, oil price gouging, Dick Cheney, a horrible reaction to a natural disaster, and Jack Thompson to make people wake up and say “what the shit happened to my country?”! God dammit I swear sometimes I think we are the DUMBEST FUCKING COUNTRY ON EARTH!

What the fuck did you people expect from the idiot son of an asshole?! And the best part is, half the people pissed at him actually fucking voted for him! I know people who voted for him, proud to be republican and god fearing, and ended up wishing they had just not fucking voted. I hate to say it, but guess what? You got what you asked for. I actually dated a girl whose answer to my question as to why she voted for Bush was, and I quote; “It’s better than Gore”. Ok, fine, let’s take that into consideration. Now Gore came form the coattails of a great president. And while Gore may not have been the best choice, he most certainly would not have spent our entire nation’s surplus on another goddamn country that doesn’t want our help in the first place.

Yes, that is correct, when Bush entered office, he had a SURPLUS. For those of you unfamiliar with that word, and I can understand why, that means that we were NOT billions of dollars over our budget when he took the checkbook and started droppin’ checks faster than bible verses. Your religious you say? Fine, I won’t tell you you’re wrong. I’ll even make you a deal: I won’t think in your church if you don’t pray in my school. It amazes me that G.W. can be so religious, yet sleep so soundly on his millions of dollars he gets by fucking Americans in the ass thru the gas tank. Isn’t sodomy against the bible code anyway?

Ok, I didn’t necessarily get it all out, but it felt good putting it down. And since no one reads this anyway, I won’t have to worry about the usual retorts and rants from right-wing conservatives brandishing a bible and a handgun. The only good thing about his presidency is that it’s fucking half way over.

One hand on the bible, one hand on the gun.”

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Clear And Present Danger

Music of Choice:
The Pixies – Here Comes Your Man

Seeing as how Ashlee Simpson is the smarter of the two (and that’s not saying much), she tends to interest me a little more than her floozy older doppelganger. I read an interview with her in Earwax, a local independent magazine from a local independent record store here in Sacramento. Below are some excerpts from the interview, along with my rendition of what her answers should have been:

There was so much controversy after Autobiography-the Saturday Night Live lip-synching and everything-and you're still standing. What was the experience of the first album like?

I went through a lot and learned a lot about myself. Something really important I've learned is it's OK to not be perfect. You have to accept yourself where you are. I've really learned to trust my instincts and trust what I want to do with the situation. Just being in the music business will do that to you pretty fast.

What She Really Meant:
I basically told the world I cant really sing and I ride on the coattails of my sisters fame to get what I think I deserve, which is a music career, even though I have no talent. I learned that if you get caught lying, then insult your fans on your sisters reality show, the fans will forgive and forget.

So do you feel like you have something to prove this time around?

No, I don't feel like I have something to prove. All I care about is my fans. I don't think I have to prove something to the world, but to my fans, I want to prove to them they can listen to my CDs or come to my shows and have a good time.

What She Really Meant:
I should feel like that, but I don’t. I don’t need to prove anything when I have money.

You tend to rock a little harder than your sister, Jessica. Are you the rock dawg of the clan?

Oh yeah, I've definitely been the one that likes rock 'n' roll more than anyone in my family. The rock world is interesting to me; I'm definitely not a tough, mean person or anything like that, but I do like the music.

What She Really Meant:
You can, like, totally tell by my studded leather belt that I so dig the rock. Seriously, I rock the hardcore. Totally. Like, Journey totally changed my life. Just try NOT throwing up the devil horns to “Don’t Stop Believin”!

Who say are your musical models?

I would say the Pretenders' Chrissie Hynde. She's been amazing for so long. And I love Madonna; I wouldn't necessarily want to go through all the drama and everything she went through, but what I liked about her is she always spoke up and was always honest about going through what she was really going through, and I thought that was cool.

What She Really Meant:
Madonna totally rocks. I can’t wait to put out a book like hers. Neither can the pedophiles.

With roles in Malcolm in the Middle, 7th Heaven and the film Undiscovered, your acting career is even further along than your music career. Do you prefer one to the other?

I love acting, but music is definitely my priority. It's such a release, and you get to express what you're going through and feeling at that time. It's definitely the ultimate for me.

I kind of suck at both, but since my creepy over-affectionate and slightly perverted dad says daddy needs a new Porsche, I gotta do em’ both until he hooks me up a deal with Vivid Video. Then I won’t have to worry about having talent all!

I should point out that only the first two segments in each question were actually in the interview, the third was just my mental picture of what was going thru her mind at the time. That, or pony’s. There was no author for me to quote, but here’s a link to the real interview. Also, Frankie Goes To Hollywood has a greatest hits record coming out on Tuesday. Has anybody even heard a song other than “Relax, Don’t Do It”?

Take me away to nowhere plains

Friday, November 11, 2005

Fuck Pat Robertson!

Music of Choice:
The Tragically Hip – Blow At HighDough

While we’re on the subject of The Tragically Hip (notice how the music of choice is usually the subject we’re on? Damn that’s eerie) I wanted to point those unfamiliar faces of web-comic-cool to Aikida. Fenris has put up a most informative article regarding a Canadian band that, unfortunately, went almost unnoticed in the US except to those of us music freaks. They are a pretty damn good band, and if you haven’t heard of them before, I would suggest starting with Up to Here. That or just go by Fenris’s suggestions, can’t really go wrong either way. They put out a new record last year that I will try to locate now that I am aware it exists. Their material isn’t the easiest to get a hold of in the States.

Since we have now moved onto the subject of web comics, check out Aikida. It was one of the first I got into along with 8-bit Theatre. Start at the old archives, you will need the story to kind of know what’s going on now, but its well worth the time. Also somewhat related, the Wings are kicking ass! I’m still a little bitter about Federov’s departure, some wounds just never heal, but I’m going to the game against the Sharks the day after thanksgiving, and as long as Yzerman and Zetterberg are playing, I think I can overcome my sadness. I’m sure watching the team I loathe get spanked like a 10 year old will assist in the healing process.

It appears the new release list this coming Tuesday is not too great. This month just sucks for releases. Other than a few good DVD release’s I don’t really have anything to wet my whistle. But that’s enough music for today. Let’s talk briefly about Pat Robertson. I did a report on the Christian Coalition for my JC English A class, and this pretty much sums up why I had nothing nice to say about this man.

Whoever fits her usually gets her

Monday, November 07, 2005

The Suckage Continues

Music of Choice:
The Ataris – Losing Streak

So, it’s been a while. Many, many moons have come and gone. Ok, a week. Sorry, been busy working major overtime and trying to move. Anyways, while we have The Ataris fresh in our cerebral cortexes, let me say this; they USED to be good. Seriously, their new record is emo crap that is slow and boring, and I’m sorry but when I want to hear The Ataris, I want to hear punk, pop-punk, shit even just pop if need be. But anyways, no point in arguing, it’s their music.

So I went and saw Powerman 5000 with Shortie Saturday night at the Boardwalk. Shortie is a great Sacramento band, and Powerman 5000 was pretty damn good. I definitely suggest anybody pick up some Shortie if they get the chance. Nothing too exciting coming out tomorrow, I didn’t really see one record I would be interesting in purchasing. It’s been a pretty bad month for releases so far. Hell, bad couple of months. We need a new Pearl Jam or Descendants record to bring some life to the scene now. Well, I got to go; I promise more frequent posts once I finish moving and stop working overtime very single damn day.

“My enemies are just as close to me”