Saturday, September 06, 2008

My Slow Decent Into Alcoholism

I want to be the subject of Michael Bay movie. It would be called Tea 2: This Time It's Herbal. He could do close-up shots of me drinking tea with a serious life-hanging-in-the-balance look on my face while the music from The Rock plays loudly in the background, building up the suspense of my herbal test of will. Then I could say some famous one-liners like "This shit just got decaf" or maybe something a little romantic like "I may not be good with words and I know I just shot the gay guy at Starbucks because he put sweetener in my tea, but girl I mean it when I say this shit is real. I'm yours if you want me. You had me at 'iced or hot'". And then of course there would have to be the chase scene, like in Bullitt only with a 2004 Mustang six-cylinder with expired tags and loud, screeching brakes that can do 0-60 in a week and a half. I could chase through the Arden mall parking lot looking for a parking spot to get to the tea store before the mall closes. And naturally the bad guys are the people from Snapple who want the world to drink their fructose-filled cough syrup they pass off as tea in order to take over the world. I know, it needs a little work and maybe some script dialogue from Quentin Tarantino to make it more hip, but hell, it's gotta be better than Bad Boys.

my slow decent, into alcoholism it went

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