Sunday, May 09, 2010

Breath and a Scream

These Twilight fans are out of fucking control. As if shamelessly attempting to bond with their teeny-bopper children by swallowing the verbal putrid inked on the parchments of evil known as Twilight wasn't enough, they are now condemning their demon-spawn bastards with titles of namesake taken from the one-dimensional soulless peons presented as characters in these trashy teen romance novels. If you ever desire to have a child who hates you with the fiery passion of a thousand burning sons, simply name them after one of these "characters" and join the ranks of millions of soon-to-be-lonely-on-Hallmark-holidays "parents" that were selfish enough to condemn their children to 18 years of ridicule and a lifetime of low self-esteem.

Yes, it is true; the new "in" thing to do to prove you are truly unqualified to breed is to name your child after a character from the abomination to literature that is known as the Twilight series. These parents must be playing an angle here; there is just no way that someone could desire that much hatred from their child by such a selfish act of parenting. I can only hope that for their sake the benefits reaped from naming your kid "Cullen" and hoping he is pasty and emo and writes bad poetry while listening to Morrissey outweigh the dead flowers and bad poetry he/she forces upon you every year for the rest of your life.

I don't want to limp for them to walk

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