Sunday, January 15, 2006

Ice Cold, No Mistakes

Music of Choice:
Gwen Stefani - Cool

Yes, I like that song, no I am not gay, and no I do not care if you think the song sucks. Moving on, I would like to talk about love. Ok, maybe not love, but the lonely feelings we get late at night when our vision is blurry thru the neon signs that point our cockles to the nearest animal, vegetable, or mineral with a pulse. You know what I am talking about, the proverbial "hook up" and the methods of which said "hooking" is used to secure the "up". Here goes;

First of all, let me start off by saying I am not a good looking guy. I am tall and skinny, not toothpick skinny but athletic skinny, and I have almost no chin and I wear my hat so low you can't see my eyes. I have real bad social anxiety, which causes problems in the "hook up" department. But all that said, I am a damn good wingman. When my boy is looking to pursue a lady companion, I buy her friends drinks, I listen to the dumb stories and worse jokes, I am polite and humble, I driver all their drunk asses home, and then I go pick his ass up from her place the next day. This is not anyone in particular, just any of my friends that have requested this service before.

Now the problem with all of this is, your boy always tries to "hook you up" with one of her friends, out of obligation if for nothing else. But that causes uncomfortable situations, of which I do not handle very well. The girls are all nice to me, again out of obligation, but while at the bar they ignore me or worse, yell at me for forgetting their name cause I drove their drunk ass home one night but was never actually introduced to her nor was I told her name in the first place. So they all say hello and goodbye and thank you for the ride, but that's it, I get ignored the rest of the night. Now I am ok with this, except that they still persist to try and "hook me up" when I know they are not interested, half the time I am not interested either, and they don't even really like me but tolerate me for the sake of their one friend who is trying to "hook up" with my boy. It is frustrating sometimes, but that's not the worst part.

The worst part is the fact that it happens every damn weekend, like clockwork. I can't go somewhere else until my boy is officially "hooked up" and then if I do, who drives them all home? They all get so drunk that they cannot walk much less drive. And the whole time I get to sit there, knowing they do not want me here, listening to their fake kindness and insincere interest in anything I have to say, which isn't much anyways. Basically, it sucks, but it is something we all have to do at some point or another. So to all you wingmen out there, I feel your pain. It's a dirty job, the pay sucks, the benefits suck, but somebody's got to do it. Let's hear it for the Wingman. Keep up the good work boys, and maybe, someday, you will be the lead pilot. (but not likely).

"Memories seem like so long ago, Time always kills the pain"

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