So I was watching the Henry Rollins Show yesterday, because that is the sort of thing I do, maybe 'cause that's just how I roll. Anyway, his guest for the show was the one and only Gene Simmons. I found this oddly funny seeing as how Rollins seems like a really humble guy, and there is no one in the world who loves himself more than Gene Simmons. He literally mentioned the fact that he had money no less than five times in the short interview. He then followed this up by feeling the need to prove his point by holding out his KISS credit card for the camera, and ultimately the world to see. Now it is no secret that I am not a KISS fan. In fact, it is safe to say that if given the choice between listening to KISS or Celine Dion, I would dust off that old copy of Titanic (no, I don't actually own it), pour a glass of cheap wine, grab a box of tissues for my tears and spend the rest of the evening slowly evolving into a total pussy. I hate KISS that much. Now don't get me wrong, I accept the fact that they influenced a lot of mediocre rock bands, but that isn't to say that music is what they cared about. I really don't think it was. They were rockstars, not musicians. Their songs didn't change anybody's life, but that's ok, because they got laid and did drugs and spit blood and made toys and comic books and all that shit that doesn't really involve talent so much as luck and a clever idea. Some call it fun, I call it stupid. But here's the punch line, and it couldn't have been worded more perfectly by Simmons' himself when he said that he is a fascinating person. Love him or hate him, you still can't stop watching him. And you know? I never once turned the damn channel during his interview. Son of a bitch, the old bastard was right after. Gene, you are a fascinating character. It isn't always a good thing, but you found a way to get rich off it, so what do I know.
I die trying just to keep myself from kissing you