Well it's here, year's end. And what better (read: expected) way to cap off the year than with a list of shit that was good, bad, and oh so ugly about 2007. So, without further ado, after all the celebrity rehab stints, the drunken cheese burger-eating episodes, the gay republicans, the bad music and stupid movies, here it is; 2007, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
- No Country For Old Men - No movie this year can hold a candle to this remarkable adaptation on Cormac McCarthy's tragic masterpiece. The film was so perfectly executed (by far the most accurate novel adaptation I have ever seen) by the Cohen brothers that it almost seems as if McCarthy had them in mind when he wrote it. However, we live in a world obsessed with tits and guns and Norbit, so if the Academy passes this over for Best Picture, don't be surprised.
- 300 - Another adaptation, this time from a graphic novel. Gerard Butler proves he can actually, you know, act in this bloody-as-hell badass movie. A little historically inaccurate? Maybe, but then again, think of all the other films that were saved by historical inaccuracies. Yes, 300 did spawn a lot of "This is Sparta!" jokes, but so what? It's got tits, blood, tits, gore, tits, bloody fight scenes, redheads with tits, and amazing graphics and cinematography. And tits.
- Honorable Mentions - These are the films that, although not the best film of the year, helped wash the taste of Spiderman 3 out of our mouths; The Bourne Ultimatum, Gone Baby Gone, Zodiac, Grindhouse, Disturbia, Mr. Brooks, Rescue Dawn, 3:10 To Yuma, In The Valley Of Elah, Across The Universe, The Assassination of Jesse James..., Into The Wild, There Will Be Blood, We Own the Night, Charlie Wilson's War, and Juno.
- Hitman - It's always hard to find a place to start when discussing the worst movies of the year, so I will start with one that could have been at least watchable, Hitman. Now don't get me wrong, I got nothing but love for Timothy Olyphant, but this movie was doomed the moment they picked a director who has directed zero movies. He hasn't even directed a fucking commercial, so why would they hand the Hitman franchise to him? It is obvious that this could have been a trilogy (not a good one, but a trilogy just the same), so why did they throw a confusing script at an unknown director? Because Hollywood hates us, that's why.
- Spiderman 3 - This movie sucked. You know it, I know it, and judging by the acting (or lack thereof) displayed onscreen, the actors knew it too. The only trilogy that didn't lose it's soul while the director lost his mind was the Bourne trilogy, and in this year of third installments, the other 3rd's out there just got it all wrong. But none more than this piece of shit. Emo Spidey? Ok, I can handle that, Tobey Maguire is a whiney little bitch anyway. But damn, it's like he was handed the script to a chick flick and was told to "make it work". 3 hours of hellish suffering, that is what this movie is. There, I said it, now can we please not make another one? Please?
- Honorable Mentions - Where to begin? Ok, let's just list the ones I actually watched; Primeval, Ghost Rider, The Number 23, Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Captivity (Amanda, you NEVER get to pick a movie again), and The Mist. And those are just the ones I was sadistic enough to make myself watch. I won't even mention the others, as I fear that my laptop might actually throw up.
- Anna Nicole Smith - Why were we forced to watch 3 straight days of news coverage regarding some dead money-grubbing whore? This is a fact which may not surprise any of you; in the 3 days following the moment she died, Fox News spent more air time covering her death than the war in Iraq! I am not making this shit up! Who cares, she's dead. It's not like she made some amazing contribution to society. All this coverage did was help prove that we a country obsessed with death, whores, and money. Was there really nothing more important that they could have reported on?
It's hard to choose a "best" album of the year. Unless there is a groundbreaking work of art released during the year (there wasn't), you pretty much have to find the needles in the haystack of shit. So, here it is, the records that were worth spending money on this year;
- The Shins - Wincing the Night Away
- Against Me! - New Wave
- Modest Mouse - We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank
- The Used - Lies for the Liars
- Foo Fighters - Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace
- The New Pornographers - Challengers
- Spoon - Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga
- Maroon 5 - It Won't Be Soon Before Long
- Strung Out - Blackhawks Over Los Angeles
- Grinderman - Grinderman
- Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band - Magic
- Band of Horses - Cease to Begin
- Meat Puppets - Rise to Your Knees
- Dinosaur Jr. - Beyond
- Biffy Clyro - Puzzle
As for bad music, that is something even more difficult to determine, if only due too an abundance of selections. So, to match my fifteen choices of the best of the year, here are the fifteen records that I am sick of hearing about, sucked, or just honestly shouldn't have been released;
- Of Montreal - Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer?
- Deerhoof - Friend Opportunity
- Fall Out Boy - Infinity on High
- Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
- Insane Clown Posse - The Tempest
- Good Charlotte - Good Morning Revival
- Avril Lavigne - The Best Damn Thing
- Nine Inch Nails - Year Zero
- Paramore - Riot!
- Korn - Untitled
- Kid Rock - Rock N Roll Jesus
- Radiohead - In Rainbows
- Seether - Finding Beauty In Negative Spaces
- The Hives - The Black and White Album
- Gogol Bordello - Super Taranta!
Here is a list of the musicians that we will miss. The music world is a lesser place without them;
- Denny Doherty - The Mamas & The Papas
- Brad Delp - Boston
- Luciano Pavarotti - Italian tenor
- Casey Calvert - Hawthorne Heights
The last of the good, bad, and ugly things that happened in 2007;
- President Bush is almost out of office, so, you know, there's that.
- Paris Hilton might be losing her inheritance. God forbid she actually gets a fucking job.
- The Blade Runner 5 disc Director's Cut limited edition release... Yes, I have it, and yes, you're life is incomplete without it.
- That douchebag got tasered, managing an amazing feat of starting a pop culture trend while somehow remaining completely irrelevant to the rest of the world.
- I got to see some pretty damn good concerts this year; Rush, Rise Against, Sirens Sister...
- Sebadoh toured, My Bloody Valentine got back together, and System of a Down broke up... that was nice of them.
- President Bush is still in office.
- Dick Cheney - Still an asshole.
- The war in Iraq is still going on.
- We actually have to vote for one of these idiots?
- Gas still costs more than drugs.
- I think the FBI might have tapped my phone (illegally, no doubt).
- We lost two of the world's greatest writers; Kurt Vonnegut and Norman Mailer.
- Bush doesn't understand the meaning of the word "genocide".
- I still drive a Mustang.
- Britney: It's Marry Poppins Bitch!
- K-Fed - Still alive, still irrelevant.
- People actually wear shirts that say "Don't tase me, bro!"
- I still have not had sex with the following people: Laura Prepon, Neko Case, or Mrs. Fields.
- Sean Hannity - Still a douchebag.
- The Killers - Please, please stop making music.
- Lindsay Lohan.
- Lindsay Lohan's dad.
- The fact that I actually know what I am talking about when it comes to Lohan and her dad.
- Crepes - Still not widely available in America.
- Republicans who tried to ban gay marriage, only to get caught soliciting/fucking gay men.
- Chuck Norris.
Well, that's it, my list. There is much more to add, but frankly all of this is making me kind of depressed. So, here's to hoping that next year is filled with some sort of meaning and joy, less Britney crotch shots/music, less stupid taser trends, and more tea, beer, redheads, snow, tits, crepes, and Pearl Jam. See ya in 2008.
take a breath and softly say goodbye