Monday, April 14, 2008

Daddy Needs His Medicine

I want to invent a new drug. Not for the fame of having invented the cure to Chronic Testicle Tickles or anything like that, but solely for the fun of creating a name for it. That's the reason why anybody gets into the Inventing Shit field anyway; nobody really wants to give men longer erections or women a cure for Menstrual Cycle Bitchiness, they just want to say "You know that cool new drug Vicosnifflechicklet? Yeah, I invented that. Wanna fuck?" The world is filled with genius scientists of varying fields of study, and not one has a lick of creativity when naming their creation. They either use their last name, the Latin version of their last name, or they stick the names of every creation ever shown in a Star Trek episode into a hat and blindfold some lab rat acolyte and give him the "honor" of drawing out a name. Or something like that, I don't really know and I am too lazy to do some actual research, but I am sure my theory is sound. Anyway, if it were up to me, these drugs would be so much more awesome and possibly deadly than they already are (science shows that drugs with cool names are 56.8% more likely to cure diseases, increase sex drive, give you ESP, and make you cooler than Kanye West according to the facts that I've just made up). No more crappy names like Tylenol or Heroin. Instead of Viagra you now get Stiffyjuicelicide. Got a headache? Try Sexyfantabulous. These are but a few of the ways that my total awesomeness and complete lack of common sense or brains would help make this world a better place. So to hell with Advil, I'm off to overdose on Owesomevicafizzyliftingdrink.

Hush you're in a story that I heard somebody told

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