Coconut Monkey Balls

I have a coconut monkey...let me explain. No, there is too much, allow me to sum up. Throughout the past few years, this coconut monkey has shown up, on my desk or TV stand, wearing the following: 3D glasses, Mardi-Gras beads, a woman's bra and panties on top of his head (which I am sure did not belong to one of my sexual conquests), an earring, a money clip, a bottle of beer and a keg tap handle, a gun and possibly an STD.

I have no idea how, but my coconut monkey seems to have a better social life than I do. I fear one day I will wake up and see him standing over me with my ATM card and the keys to my truck, no doubt heading off to Ensenada for the weekend. He has a slot for money, but I assume his belly is filled with girls' phone numbers, drugs, sun glasses and possibly a pager for his bitches & ho's.

I used to joke that my 'balls ride shotgun', but I am quite certain he has an invisible pair of man-berries too big to fit into a wheelbarrow. He is either the coolest coconut monkey in the world, or he is a demon drawn straight from my worst nightmares. If I die mysteriously, I guess we will know.

-B
Another station, another mile