Friday, November 26, 2010

Tickle My Elmo

Somewhere, right at this very moment, two grown female parents are punching each other in the face; or the baby maker. Either way, this makes me happy. The Christmas tradition that has now become the economic clusterfuck of materialism and Touch-Me-Here dolls has reached staggering levels. It is because of you psychotic bitches that I cannot leave my house today. Not even for a cup of coffee, due to the fear of some crazy soccer mom assuming I have a hot new toy stashed in my truck and she is going to impale me with a stir straw to get it if she has to. I hate this day, but bitches are boxing each other out, and that does kind of help. Guys, just heal the hangover, watch some porn, eat leftovers and prepare for the heart attack you will receive when your next credit card bill arrives.

Hush my love a train now, but it takes me away from you

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