Monday, March 06, 2006

Love And Memories

Music of Choice:
Green Day – Whatsername

I have often wondered what my reaction would be if I were to suddenly run in to an old flame. Ok, one old flame in particular, the others I am either friends with or do not give a shit about. I have thought the event over in my head many times. I could tell you the conversations I have imagined us having, the smiles and congratulations on our state of livelihood at that particular time. I have rehearsed this scene a thousand times in my head, as if I am practicing, studying lines in a play that I already know the end to. The problem is it will never happen.

I have come to realize that all those movies about lovers reconnecting and dishing out those smiles and congratulations, the nostalgia, the forgiveness, the thrill of seeing them and how they turned out, are total bullshit. It does not happen, and here is why; we are not meant for it to happen. We get one chance, only one, and if we fuck it up, there is no going back, years down the road and apologizing, nor receiving forgiveness. One always moves on, and one always stays behind. This life is short, too damn short, and we only get one fucking chance? Who the fuck made that rule?

We not only are not given the chance to fix past mistakes, but we get to constantly be reminded of them. We won’t remember what the argument was about, but we remember the song playing on the radio when we drove away. We won’t remember how it ended, but we can’t forget how it began. And the worst part of it all? I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything. I’m glad I remember our first date, and not our last argument. I’m glad I remember “our song” and not the reason why we broke up. At least we get the comfort of knowing that we may forget them, but we won’ forget the time we had with them.

-B
Forgetting you but not the time

2 comments:

michelle said...

You have as many chances as both of you are willing to take. How much drama and anger and pain should two people go thru just to be together?

My opinion is none. Do you want to turn into our parents? 2 people who are so alienated from each other they only get along when they are not around? You will never have another chance with another girl if you don't accept what happened with the last one.

I want nothing more than for you to be happy. But if you continue beating yourself up over losing "the one" then you will never know if maybe she wasn't actually "the one." 6 Billion people in the world B, 1 down... you just have to find 1 more.

michelle said...

I can see it in your eyes
I can hear it in your voice
the signs are obvious
that all we had has run its course
and I don't mind giving up the upper hand
in this little charade
cause I've spent too many nights here on the floor
waiting for something inside you to change

Don't look back in anger now is all that you can see
cause angers all I got to keep me warm when you're away
and I know that this is nothing new
but tonight is all I know
disconnect myself from your memory
and never feel anything at all
to justify with all your words and all your actions
don't mean anything to me
cause I've cut you off

So here we stand and face each other
we've got nothing to say
a flashback to another time
when silence was a welcomed friend
now I'm sorry I can never really say
all the things going on inside my head
silence is a justified expression of my war
now nothings like it was before

Don't look back in anger now is all that you can see
cause angers all I got to keep me warm when you're away
and all your words and all your actions
don't mean anything to me
cause I've cut you off

Don't look back at anger
Don't look back at anger
Don't look back at anger
It's just a memory

It's easy to forget your face
and it's easy to survive in this place
without you without you
I just comb my hair and wash my face
keep straight ahead and keep my pace
just think about nothing, and I'll be alright.
well I got my friends I got my pen
I got a million distractions to keep me warm
and I all I know is that it will be alright.