Saturday, July 07, 2007

God's Sense Of Humor

Dear God, Buddha, Allah, Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Satan, Betty White, Eddie Vedder and whoever else may be responsible;

I would like to take this moment to thank you for this gift. I am not sure what I did to deserve this, as my ability to positively interact with others is very low, and I am quite sure it is not some nonsensical holiday that we celebrate for no reason other than a Macy's sale and a reason to eat a turkey. However, the fact that you have chosen to bestow this gift upon me may just be the first step on a new path towards enlightenment. I cannot say with certainty whether I shall tread these dangerous waters, and to be honest it seems kind of like a lost cause as I will inevitably stray from the path of the straight and narrow, have a threesome with two blond coeds while snorting coke off a copy of the bible, drive drunk and run over a squirrel, ultimately causing the Great Squirrel Rebellion of 2009, and shoot smack in a church, therefore disappointing you to the point of your regret you ever gave me such a gift. But I promise I will do it all with the best of intentions, as it is the thought that counts, right? Right?

You got the weight of the world coming down like a mother's eye

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