So 50 Cent (Fitty to the cool kids) is threatening to retire if Kanye West sells more records than Fitty, seeing as how both their records are slated to be released on the same day. Well I like it, it's not the best we could do, but it's a damn good start. Can we do better? I think we can. What I would like to have seen (Kanye? Fitty? You taking notes?) is a deal where both rappers (sorry, "artists") retire. Let's spitball here and see what we can come up with. How about we take the number of records each one sells and award one bullet for every ten thousand units. Then, after the first week sales are tallied, we hand out the bullets and let them hunt each other down in a rundown old factory, kind of like The Running Man, only with rappers. Too cliche? No problem, let's get together for lunch and over a meal of bitches and ho's and crack cocaine we can work this thing out. I'll have my people call your people, get in touch with Fitty and Kanye, and see if we can't turn this media nugget into a bona fide feast.
Take a breath and softly say goodbye