Monday, April 10, 2006

Full Circle Love Cycle

The past seems to have a weird way of coming back around full circle, and this is especially true when it comes to love. I am going to tell you a short version of a story, but do not assume that I am in love with the lead female character (I’m not) nor should you assume that I ended up with said lead female character (I didn’t). Like all good stories, this one begins with a girl. I got a call from a friend of mine who preceded to inform me that said lead female character (we will refer to her as Nora) was coming into town and wanted to see me (we will refer to me as Holden, although I am not sure why). I have not seen Nora for about 3 years, and I can’t really remember why we stopped talking, but I am sure it had something to do with our mutual friend and how their relationship with each other proceeded to fall apart.

Now as you had probably assumed by now, I had a thing for Nora. I was never quite ever to figure out why, as she was not supermodel hot nor was she rich nor intellectually on the same level as Einstein or Plato. She was a girl, and that’s all she needed to be. Having now spent an evening with her after a three year hiatus, I have finally figured out why I was so infatuated with her. All the other girls I have been interested in, I never actually knew on a personal level (with the exception of one) beyond what most people already knew about them. When you meet someone, you talk about the normal bullshit, and it seems to be a different version of the same story with everyone, but with Nora it was different. I actually knew her, at least to some degree, and because of that she fascinated me.

Why we stopped talking is not really important (although I am sure that her leaving the state shortly after we met had absolutely nothing to do with it, but I could be wrong) because the point of this story is love. We often are said to be in love with someone after having spent time with them usually in the form of a long term relationship and you slowly build towards love, but it starts with an infatuation. The problem is that there really is no difference between the two. When you are infatuated with someone, it is a psychological connection to the sights, sounds, and emotions that they are emitting, but how is that different form love? The answer is simple; its not.

Now apply that theory to real life, and it paints a pathetic picture. We often make fun of those that fall in and out of love so easily, but we forget to remember that we do it to. Every time we meet someone and have a potential interest in them, that is love in the works. There is no such thing as infatuation; it is simply a word we created to give us an excuse when we don’t get the one that we are infatuated with. We find someone else, and then claim that the previous feelings towards that other person was infatuation, a simple crush until we found out what their really like. And they always turn out the same don’t they? Its always their fault we didn’t get with them, they always seem to be different than we originally perceived them to be, but the truth is they were always the same person, we just chose to ignore their faults until we realized we would never be with that person, then they became the reason we never hooked up.

I do not know why this is relevant right now in my life, because honestly it does not seem so, but it occurred to me today and I needed to put it in words before I lost it. I wish I could say I hooked up with Nora but that would be a lie. I never got anywhere with her and I never will, but at least I understand what happened now (mostly). She will go back t her respective state and maybe we will keep in touch thru email or, god forbid, Myspace. But the moral of the story is that at the end of the day I am still Holden, waiting for the next Nora to come around and start the cycle all over again.

The second drummer drowned

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