Friday, April 14, 2006

I WILL Have Sex With Gretchen Wilson

Have you noticed that kids today have no fucking patience? This is not necessarily a new phenomenon, I am quite positive that it has been happening for some time, however today it was reinforced to me with the clarity that one would associate to finding Jesus, I just saw the light. I was sitting in my car, listening to some Ween (Sebadoh, maybe) and waiting patiently for my light to turn green so that I could make a left turn. I have a red light as do the people going straight next to me so this little ankle biter on a Razor scooter crosses the street. When he gets to the corner, he abruptly turns around go cross the other direction. This is where it gets interesting.

My light was about to turn green, but that evidently was not enough for this little bastard. This kid had places to go, things to see, and people to do and he was not about to let modern technology get in his way. He proceeded to push the button about 5 million times. With every push his hand seemed to hit harder and harder so that I could actually here his hand slapping against the metallic road block of a button, and I heard this over my music. Now remember that I am about to turn, as soon as I complete that task, his little green walking savior man will rescue him form the treacherous grasp of time. He has but a few measly seconds to wait, but oh no, not this go getter.

His slapping of said button continues to slam harder and harder, and he is now growing angry. He is hitting this button with such anger that it appears to be a violent hatred which can be comparable only to that of how Hitler viewed people of Jewish decent. This crumb snatcher was pissed off, and he was going to let the whole god damn world know about it. Right as I turn he gets on his Razor scooter death trap, and amazingly enough, as I turn, I catch him still hitting the fucking button! He is prepared to go, he is fully aware that the light is seconds away from changing, and he still persists with his violent attack on an inanimate object.

This is what’s wrong with kids today (ok not completely, but it plays a part). The little fucker had no patience and as a result, when he gets home he won’t be able to play video games, jerk off, shoot heroin, smack his sixth grade bitches, or steal money from mommy’s wallet, because his hand is going to be sore. This kid is in for so much fucking disappointment when he grows up that I can safely say he will be part of that group that we deem “Natural Selection”, you know what I mean. Like the kid really had anything important to do anyway.

When you’re gone I’ll eat and sleep away my days again

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