Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Make It Last

When is the right time to just give up? Is there such a time? I would imagine that in the realm of friendships there would be no such time, but as I have had to prove that rule incorrect in the past, I know that such a time does exist within the space time continuum. Should you just forgive and forget, and if so, how many times must you do that? What if you are fed up with all the years of being tested, as if your friendship was always on trial, would you get sick of it? I have this dilemma, and it is something that is always on my mind. I have a good friend (good?) that means a lot to me, a lot more than she will ever understand, or at least that she will let on to understand, and we have some good memories together. But the whole time, I was being tested. Mind-fucked essentially, as if everyday was a 50/50 shot of maintaining that friendship. How many times can you say it’s a joke or a prank?

More importantly, am I even the one at fault? Let’s face it; she has never been trusting towards people, even those that she claims to trust. It’s like she assumes that everyone is out to hurt her, everyone has a grand scheme, and all she has to do is find a clever way to show their evil side, and if it comes back to bite her in the ass, she just claims it was a joke. It’s not a joke. People don’t like having to prove their loyalty. I don’t like having to defend my conversations with other people to you when it was none of your business. Not everyone is out to get you. Some of us love and care about you, even when you got too cool and too successful for us. We put up with your dumb friends that talk down to us, and your snotty attitude that you never had before. We put up with your constant drinking and your constant judging. Yet, you still treat us like we’re on thin ice.

Seriously, fucking grow up. I don’t put you through hoops, make you walk a tight rope and balance our friendship on it. I love you for you, even with your faults, so why can’t you just fucking accept ours? You said that this is how I lose friends, but you’re wrong. This is how you lose friends, and you can’t seem to realize that. I don’t want to be tested. I don’t want to be compared to your other friends. I don’t want to be the only one trying in this friendship. So I’m not going to call. I’m not going to ask friends about you, or call your friends to see how you are doing. If you give a shit, you will call. If not, well then I guess you met my expectations all along. But I never tested you, never questioned your loyalty, and never doubted your sincerity. Check, fold, or ante up, it’s your call.

I think about that day, when I felt you threw it all away, to try and make me feel like I’m the one. You were my best friend, and I never ever thought those days would end, but now it feels like they are gone.

1 comment:

danielinamerica said...

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