Monday, August 14, 2006

My Alter Ego

Remember when applying for a job was easy? You would walk in and pick up an application, hoping that the person at the counter wasn’t looking at you and thinking “as if”, fill it out (remember to capitalize!) and return it to the same person who would inevitably be mildly amused that you filled the damn thing out in the first place. Then the waiting…and waiting. As Tom Petty said, the waiting is the hardest part. Well now that the blogosphere is world wide and expanding into every commercial nook and cranny it can wedge its way into, you can get rejection so much faster! Just imagine, you could discover in just hours that your opinion of the aardvark and its seasonal mating habits disqualifies you to work at Taco Bell! How exciting indeed!

Now that employers have accepted the fact that people like to vent online (and do so on occasion while pretending to work), the blogosphere has essentially allowed them the freedom to weed out those who have different political, social, musical, or even arbitrary bullshit-al opinions than those respective Keyboard Commando’s whose job it is to reject ulllltlrahotriotgirl because she likes chicks, cocaine, and shitty techno music (not that I don’t understand the cocaine part). They are now able to practice a selection process that has been outlawed in this country for many, many years. I’m sure there’s a book out there somewhere that explains just how many years many, many is; go look it up.

If an employer discovers that an employee or prospective employee has a blog, they are going to read it. Do not assume they won’t, because they will. And no, filling the most recent page of your blog with posts about how much you love said company even though 4 month’s ago you labeled the CEO a “douche bag” does not help. They are not that stupid (I hope). What this does is give the employers an inside look at you, and if your blog is of the, ahem, “freaky & kinky” type, don’t expect Borders Books to call you back.

The only advice I can offer is this; if it’s a creative, out-of-the-box thinking, or “alternative subjects” blog, use a pseudonym, like Mrs. Pain the Masochist, or Mark the Mangler. Also, title your blog appropriately (Dave the Dominatrix Next Door perhaps?) for your subject, and do not reveal any personal information, even if that hot 19 year old asks A/S/L at the end of every comment.

Then, just create a second blog about the profession you are interested in entering. If it’s IT, talk about IT. If its politics or mathematical statistics, talk about the industry and current events surrounding those subjects. This helps show that you are actually interested in your chosen field, and even if you don’t get the job, you might get another reader who will keep you in mind down the road. If your chosen profession is professional cow wrangler, I don’t think this rule would necessarily apply, so choose carefully.
All I am saying is that history has proven that legality does not determine practice. It may be illegal to not hire someone based on their personal opinions, but that does not mean it won’t happen. So keep your eye on the ball (gag ball?) and keep your comments where they belong. My posts about music do not go in my blog about blogging (redundant?) but they do go in my personal blog and my music blog. My posts about the ever growing threat of the infestation in Papua New Guinea of killer man-size alien robotic eroticons whose sole purpose is to enslave humans for feeding and strategic breeding purposes…that we don’t talk about. It just hurts so damn much.

Lived in bars and danced on tables

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