Music of Choice:
H2O – Memory Lane
My heart was beating faster than I ever expected. I knew this would be excitement in some shape or form, but I was unable to understand whether it would be good or bad, just that it would be something. As my mouse clicked thru page after page, scrolling down to see the faces of those familiar to me from so long ago, my heart raced even faster. I was approaching the last page and I knew, I just knew, she would be there, the very last entry…but she wasn’t. Thank god.
What was I doing you ask? I was doing something I swore I never wanted to do, but knew I could not resist the temptation. The temptation to take that nostalgic road down memory lane is just too great. No stop signs, no red lights, and no cops to monitor my speed and recklessness which I abused to scroll thru each paging hoping. Hoping to see her, and hoping to not see her. I don’t know if I am disappointed or relieved. I guess everyone feels that way sometimes for someone. That’s the risk we take when we do this sort of thing.
I was scrolling thru MySpace looking for people I went to high school with.
It was kind of funny, I saw more than a few faces I recognized. I only searched people that would be my class, the class above, and the class below. But damn, I didn’t expect to recognize so many. I saw many I would like to re-establish communication with, but knew I never would. If we were meant to be friends now, why aren’t we? Why did we stop talking? Was it falling out of touch? A stupid argument over something we can’t remember any more but sure as shit seemed important at the time? A lost love we can never go back to? I guess in the end it’s all of the above, and more.
I wish I could say I will never go back to it again, but I know I will be tempted, especially with it being almost 10 years (HOLY SHIT) since I barely earned my right to strut the stage and accept my diploma that told the world I gradumanated. So you know what, I am going to swear, here and now, that I will NEVER try that again. Why? Because there are some places, and some people, that you just can’t go back to. I guess now it’s my time to just move along. She wasn’t there anyways. And you know what?
“Have I wasted all these years, holding back the tears behind a smiling face?”