Ok, now that I have finally calmed down I am prepared to make a more appropriate and sensible statement. I would like to start out by saying that I take the Grammy's very seriously. Not so much the awards show itself as much as the enjoyment I get from hearing the baffling and confusing choices of nominations. But what's even better than that (worse?) is finding out who loses to whom. If were lucky, we might even get to see Kanye West whine and bitch like a twelve year old because he lost his "gimme Grammy". And so to show my disdain for the Grammy's in a way that seems easy to comprehend, I have included a list below that explains the top five reasons why I hate, and love, the Grammy's:
1 - Milli Vanilli
On February 22, 1990 the Grammy's (from this point on referred to as NARAS) made one of the worst decisions possible; they awarded Milli Vanilli with the Best New Artist award. That move alone was enough to call out the credibility of the Grammy's, but the snowball grew bigger when it was announced that Milli Vanilli lip-synced their records. Bad decision.
2 - Elvis Costello gets fucked (and they didn't even by him dinner)
In 1979, Elvis Costello was up for the Best New Artist award. And he should have got it. But alas, NARAS managed to prove once again that they have no clue as to what the hell they are doing. Who won the award? A Taste of Honey... I don't know who they are either, but apparently "Boogie Oogie Oogie" is a musical masterpiece compared to anything off of This Years Model, which happens to be one of my favorite albums. Thanks fella's.
3 - Pink Floyd's Grammy Goes Sailing
Pink Floyd's The Wall is a milestone in music and film. The soundtrack, while not the best Pink Floyd album, is far better than anything else released in the 80's. Apparently, the idiots at NARAS (National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences, for those still confused) preferred to go "Sailing" with Christopher Cross. This one should not require any explanation.
4 - Metallica Vs. Flute; Flute wins
In a move that appeared to show how the Grammy's have expanded and changed with the times, they announced the new category of Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance. And who was nominated for this prestigious new award? Metallica, AC/DC, Iggy Pop, Janes Addiction, and... Jethro Tull. Now I'm going to risk pissing off Midwesterners and flute players alike by making this bold statement, it must be made; Jethro Tull did not deserve this award. They did not even deserve the god damn nomination. But they won. And the funniest part? They didn't even show for the awards due to convincing themselves that Metallica would win.
5 - Starland Vocal Band (Who?)
For those of you who did not know who sang that annoying song "Afternoon Delight", now you know. The Starland Vocal Band was nominated for 5 Grammy's, and won 2; Best Arrangement (Voices) and Best New Act in 1977. This, above all else, shows not only just how little the NARAS understands music, but also how they tend to select one-hit wonders or whatever is popular at that moment instead of albums/artists/songs that will stand the test of time.
I hate the god damn Grammy's, but I can't help but watch in disappointment and disillusion as they display just how much this country hates real artists but craves pop one-hit wonders they can dance to when drunk. And last but not least, my final complaint (for today)... why the hell wasn't Cat Power nominated for anything?!
If I woke up next to you