Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Been Caught Stealin'

A list of possible scenarios concerning the whereabouts of B:

- Continuing the fat against anorexia, he ate Safeway.
- Got drunk, asked hot girl to show boobies, hasn’t been seen since.
- After having conquered Swaziland, Molly’s Ringworld, and Meso-po-tampon, he set out on his life quest to conquer Rhode Island…Got lost and drown in the ocean.
- Died of exhaustion after having mad kinky sex with 400 Roman goddesses.
- Accidentally bought Jewel album, drove car off cliff.
- Asked Oprah if she was hungry, she was. And by all accounts, he was tasty.
- Brain exploded after losing political argument to a four year old.
- Got to the center of the tootsie pop, hasn’t come back.
- Was kidnapped, tortured, and murdered by remaining Swaziland peons.
- Been Caught Stealin’…Punished accordingly.
- Body possessed by evil spirit of dark underworld lord Fancy Pants, forced to consume souls of a thousand virgin female nuns, and then forced by God to watch Golden Girls reruns as penance.
- Died of heart attack while jacking off to Golden Girls reruns.
- Death by Sexy!

Teenagers scare the living shit out of me

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