My Mascara Is Running!

I read an article today in the latest issue of Spin, by far one of the worst music magazines around (especially since they booted Chuck Klosterman), about the surprising drop in attendance at this years Warped Tour. The Warped Tour is generally one of summer’s biggest sellers, and I went every year for the first 10 years. Now here is my question; how the fuck is anybody surprised at this? I have been saying for months that emo is getting old, and the past two Warped shows have been built around emo bands and their ever-loyal fans. But those fans are getting older, getting jobs, and discovering (hopefully) that mascara and tight jeans really doesn’t make a dude look cool.

The market is oversaturated with emo and pop-punk bands. Turn on a radio at any given time of day and chances are you won’t go ten minutes without hearing a Warped act. Not only is the market flooded with emotionless lyrics about emotions, but the bands sound so damn similar that nobody cares about trying to figure each one out. “So tell me, what separates Fall Out Boy from Panic! At The Disco?” well, they have different names, does that count? Seriously, the whole The Academy Is…Panicking At The Fall Out Boy’s Bayside while Pink Spiders in Red Jump Suit Apparatus’ living in Hawthorne Heights try to Take Back Sunday thing is just played out. The last records to matter in this genre are about to come out (The Used and My Chemical Romance), and after that, it’s over.

Now I am positive that The Used and MCR will survive long after the emo scene slits it wrists, kind of like Pearl Jam after the end of grunge. The Used has too big of a fan base and their second record was too damn good, and it looks like MCR is right there with them. But other than that, it’s over. The next big thing (god I hope it’s not indie rock) will come around and have its moment in the sun. This is how music works, and it will never change. Rock has been around forever, in one form or another, and I am convinced that it will never die. Hip Hop I am not so optimistic about, but for different reasons. But emo is dead.

So, emo boys listen up; throw away your skin tight jeans, let your marbles get some air (assuming they have dropped, don’t worry, it will happen someday), wipe off the make up, and get a god damn haircut, cause I am about to give you the most important advice you will ever hear…remember, its down the road, not across the street, and make sure the sharp edge is pointed down.

Ok, maybe the second most important advice you will ever hear; when the last talent scout shuts off the light on emo, you don’t want to be the only broken-hearted metro sexual left in the room.

-B
Did he leave your pretty fingers lying in the wedding cake?