I often wonder about the inventor of sliced bread. What were the words that came out of his mouth when he looked up towards the heavens and shouted “I have just created the greatest thing since…” what was there before sliced bread that he could have compared it to? Fire maybe, that was a good one. The wheel? It’s possible, but without the advent of cars or the horse and buggy, the wheel was pretty useless. Maybe he just stood up and shouted “I have created the greatest thing since time began, and therefore it shall be used to judge the level of greatness among all other creations!”
He probably used it to get laid too. If I invented sliced bread, I’d be one badass motherfucker. I would walk into a bar and all the dames would give me that “as if” look, but little do they know. I would then strut up towards the wench of my desire and whisper delicately into her soft and probably dirty ear “I am the man who invented sliced bread, and baby, I’m gonna butter yours all night long!” they would then uncontrollably throw their hairy and unwashed arms around me and shout “oh do me do me you sexy bread handling beast, do me now!” this would of course cause mass fits of jealousy amongst the other bar wenches, leading eventually into a ménage 30. So what does this say about the male mind?
Even when it comes to bread, we’re thinking about pussy.
So goodbye, so long, the road calls me dear, and your tears cannot bind me anymore